Shattered

Excitement fills me as I watch my mother coming closer. "Hi, Mom!!" I yell as I run toward her and jump to give her a hug.

My sister is in the backseat of the car, she is only 2 years old and I haven't seen her much, but I know who she is and she knows me.

I am caught up in this reunion when suddenly I am filled with fear. I see the look of rage come into my mothers eyes as I turn to see my father furiously carrying a baseball bat. His friend, Mark rushes up trying to calm him down.

"Get the hell out of here, I told you, you will never see these kids again!" My father yells at my mother right before shattering the windshield on his Ford Tempo. I turn to get one last glance of my mother. "Dad stop it! I want to see her!!" I see blood running down my mother's face. I look to see where it's coming from and find drops of blood spilling from her eye.

The door shuts and I grab Ryan and run upstairs. He has witnessed the whole event and is terrified as well. I hide him behind a mattress that is leaning against a wall and sneak over to the window to see what is going on. As I get to the window I witness my mother screaming her last few words before jumping in her car and leaving. 'Oh no, please take us with you'

Every time my parents fought it was always bad for Ryan and I afterward. I ran back to the mattress and hid with Ryan hoping that my father wouldn't find us until he had some time to cool down. We were lucky in this attempt. I heard him talking to Mark for awhile and then the door slammed signifying Mark's departure.

Dad called us downstairs and told us to pack our bags we were headed to Grandma's for awhile.
Well at least we weren't in trouble! We packed our bags and he dropped us off.

The Druggie inside

"Marijauna is bad, if you see someone doing drugs call the police right away"
[[picture of a marijuana leaf and a rolled joint flash across the screen]]

Sitting in front of the television the smell of smoke in the air and the sound of coughing emits from my father. This commercial plays and I realize the "rolled up cigarette" is not a cigarette.
"Dad, that's not a cigarette." My seven year old mouth blurts. "Don't tell your brother" is his only response.

Growing up we were not allowed to have friends over, we were rarely allowed to visit a friends house either. I didn't realize the reason until about the age of twelve when it hit me that all of my friends were right.

"Your dad is a druggie" my best friend Jasmine yells down the road. We just got into it over something stupid once again, she wouldn't play with me because she was busy with Cecilia and that hurt my feelings so I retaliated and so did she.

Her yelling that sent me over the edge, I turned around and ran back to where she was standing, slamming her into a tree. Her legs and arms wailing trying to hit me, and probably succeeding, but I was too numb to feel anything. Numb from the anger that she would accuse my dad of something I knew could never be true. I scratched her face and she went home crying that I scratched her eye. I ran home to tell my dad so I wasn't alone in this fight because I knew her mother would be calling soon.

I couldn't believe that she or anyone would accuse my dad of being a druggie. The thought never entered my brain, I mean after seeing that commercial I knew that he smoked marijuana but that didn't make him a druggie did it? I thought of druggies as run-down people wearing baggy clothes always looking for their next fix, that wasn't my dad...was it? I didn't like the thought pattern it only angered me more. I was grounded from hanging out with Jasmine for awhile because of the fight, dad didn't deny the accusations and he didn't call her mom to complain about the obvious lies her daughter was spreading. I didn't think of this I only knew that she was no longer my best friend!

Jasmine and I became best friends again within the week, when your young things are easily forgiven and forgotten.

A Little About the Author

"You'll never amount to anything" "Stupid" "You'll be a whore just like your mom"

Ahh...the soothing words of my childhood.

I've been sitting in the window for about an hour waiting on mom to get home, I don't understand why she is always late. Counting the cars that go by and willing the next one to be her all while silently praying that she comes home alone this time. My four year old brain can't comprehend the importance of this, but I know that if she shows up with one more man there will be more than just trouble.

A white van pulls into the drive, hmm..they must be turning around, then I see the dome light come on as the door is opened and my mother leaning over the middle console to kiss someone, a stranger to me. Should I tell dad? I make my decision quickly, "Dad, Mom's home!" Oh, no!

Dad comes walking to the window to see if I am telling the truth and then his eyes land on the sight I am seeing. I see that his face is completely red as he is, as calmly as he can, telling me to go upstairs to bed and take my brother with me. I obey knowing that if I don't it will only make matters worse. This isn't the first time something like this has happened, but being an experienced "in the middle" child that I am there is no way I am just going to hop on upstairs so I take Ryan up and sneak back to the hall where I can hear what will go on.

The door opens and my dad is ready. I can tell by his voice he is trying to control his temper as to not upset us (the children) but he is having a hard time and soon loses his cool. "Get out you f***ing wh*re. Just get your sh*t and get the f*** out!" My mom says nothing, I can barely see her from where I sat hidden in the darkness, but what I can make out she looks scared. Her bruises from the last attempt at stupidity just barely fading she turns to run, my dad is to quick and grabs her arm slamming her into the door. I hear the family picture that hung just inside crash to the floor.

He rips down her pants and bend her over delivering one quick blow to the behind before kicking her out and slamming the door behind her. Once shut he walks to the laundry room and grabs a basket. "Alaina, go get all your mother's clothing." I am so confused but I follow Dad's orders not wanting him to do the same to me.

After bringing what I can find he takes the basket and walks to the front lawn. My mother is no where to be found, she must have ran next door to her mother's house. Dad pours a liquid over all of Mom's stuff and then I see him light a match and flame engulfs the entire basket. I am too terrified to cry, but want to scream. I don't know if I should be angry with him or her, who is in the wrong?

Dad tells me that she will never come back, without a reason or an explanation just the words "She's never coming back" and then sends me to bed.

That was the last night my mother ever lived in our home. I was four years old, my brother was two.

A New Me

So yea!! I set up my own blog today....one step closer to becoming a new me...but on a more serious note...

I am just so sick of the every day same ol' sh*t different day stuff...so I am coming up with a plan to add a little spice* to my life!! I am sure I am not the only one out there who wants to feel original every day they wake up and get excited that God allowed us the gift** of another day!! So why not start that happiness and excitement this minute...that's what I am going to do!!

My first step was creating this blog! Yeah....I know doesn't seem like much of a first step huh, but I'll get creative!! I am creative..so it'll come!! ...hm...

I'm going to go think, I'll be back with more creative and ORIGINAL **well hopefully anyway** ideas!!